My Lola Rose (Lola is Tagalog for Grandma), along with my Lolo, has been in town for the past couple weeks. They live in my home state of California. She is in her mid-eighties. My Lola and Lolo are from the Angeles City in the Philippines and have been living in the U.S. for almost 28 years. My grandparents helped raise me and my brother because both of my parents worked full time. My mom ran a successful and busy bridal shop in Monterey, CA. While, my father worked for the government.

My grandparents are an interesting mix of old-school-conservative, yet modern as well (though mostly conservative). An example of why I say this, last week I mentioned to my grandmother that someday I may want to marry again. (Notice the italics on someday.)

Grandma says to me with her thick filipina accent, “Marry? Why you want to marry again, ah? Are you happy?” I looked at her in shock, because she has been married for over sixty years to the same man.  There are times, my grandfather looks at my grandma like she was still young and beautiful. They are very sweet on each other. “Grandma, of course I am happy! I am just saying, someday, I may want to get married again.” So, then Grandma says, “Why you want to get married again? You are free! You can do whatever you want! You don’t have to say nothing to anybody!”  (Imagine, if you will, the accent of a native Filipino. The words with “f”, sounds like a “p”. The words with a “v”, sounds like a “b”.) I don’t grasp the notion that marriage has to be like a prison sentence, unless you marry the wrong person. But then again, I can’t claim to be an expert on the subject, just because I have been married once. I know what worked and didn’t work. All I can do is learn from the past and move on.  Anyhow, so I told my grandma, “I am perfectly happy right now. But I wouldn’t mind reaping the daily fruits of marriage, you know…daily.”

Ironically, this isn’t the first time I have heard this from the older women in my family. When I was in California last April, my Great Aunty also passed on the same sentiment to me about marriage. She said, “Save your money. Nevermind getting married again. You can do as you please.” She has also been married for a very long time (well over 40 years). Filipina women are interesting creatures. They are notoriously loud and vocal, yet in many ways they are also quiet and reserved. In my opinion, I think they only act subservient and docile, only to give the appearance of a patriarch. Really, I think this is a femme manipulation. Anyhow, I digress. I wasn’t sure if they were speaking from their catholic upbringings or if they were saving me from disappointment. Overall, I know their intentions are good. That modern aspect to this advice, they were encouraging that I maintain my own independence and be happy in my life. I was very shocked to hear what they said. I thought they would be pushing for me to marry. I am glad they are not. Their words did provoke me to think about what I really want in the long run. Deep down, I’m still a romantic. So, I don’t believe that marriage is something that can be forced.  I still believe in love and all that it entails, I just think that love has to be more than just feelings. I think love is feelings put into actions, actions that contribute to bliss in every sense.